They believe that having that special someone, however much of a compromise is necessary, allows them to comfortably fit in their social group, particularly if everyone in their circle is partnered. Being single can feel lonely, lonely and an outsider.
- Letting the strain to be partnered build up can divert you into making bad decisions, feel impelled to hook-up with a person from a sense of necessity. That may be okay in the short term as a temporary stopgap, offering companionship for a moment, but it is important to recognise that for what it is.
There might be concerns about the future; will I meet somebody else, how long will I be on my own, if I have tried harder or stayed with the connection I had?
- But there is nowhere more lonely than a loveless marriage, where one person stays due to financial reasons, a fear of being alone or of upsetting the kids or loved ones. The tension, inherent bitterness, hostility or continuous bickering can result in a very miserable family. There is nothing’special’ about a connection that is missing love or mutual esteem.
After we’re desperate to get a special someone it may cause more problems than it resolves. Defining ourselves and others through our connection status can miss the actual point of getting somebody important with whom to share our life. That individual should add value, not provide the only real reason for our presence.
- Some people might even enter our lives in a just temporary capacity. Therefore, they may offer the impetus for us to proceed from a bad position, enthuse us to examine our own lives, change career, upgrade our picture, introduce us to new exciting hobbies and interests. But once that is on course they may well then fade out of our orbit.
They can’t or do not need to take care of any of our mess, complications or difficulties. Conversely there are those men and women who love nothing more than to trainer, problem-solve and fix us, the foul-weather friends and fans who enjoy deep and purposeful sessions but do not much care to party or socialise.
Having a connection with may work well for a time, but is not likely to be a long-term answer to your relationship status. But not all special relationships need to be permanent.
- An important thing would be to ask yourself what you need from a relationship; do you actually need a special someone, does your life actually revolve around with a significant other in your life, does your connection status specify who you are? It’s important to understand if you’re ready to await the correct individual to come along, however long that may take.
Some people could be focussed on getting married or living permanently together, for others who are overly intrusive. Some might want a constant partner in the place where they do everything together, talk about everything, share all facets of their lives, but others prefer to maintain some independence and separateness, appreciating particular times together, like vacations or weekends, but living their own lives in other times.
- To locate our special someone it is good to first begin working on your own. Ask yourself who is the most important individual in your life. Even if you still have young kids it is best if the solution is you. When you are feeling good about yourself, healthy, joyful and in peace, everyone on your life benefits.
Then you discover that your quality of life improves and you realise that you would rather be lonely that with somebody who’s not best for you, who is unsupportive or brings unwanted energy to your dwelling. Being on your own is far better than good enough or good, as soon as you’re comfortable in your own firm.
- When you learn how to love yourself you find ways to communicate your ideas and feelings to others and have the ability to define appropriate boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable treatment and behavior.
Sure, some things that disturb others might be OK by you; that is good that you know and can enable you to become clearer about what you need from a partner.
It is liberating to realise that a particular someone is just special because they’re ideal for you. The relationship then becomes a wonderful outcome and addition, as opposed to a requirement in your life.